In recent times, there has been a growing demand for a visible display of emotional vulnerability from men, both from women and men themselves. The catchphrase that captures this demand is “It’s okay for men to cry” or “Men cry too.” This increasingly popular catchphrase carries both direct and implied meanings. Firstly, it signifies that […]
In recent times, there has been a growing demand for a visible display of emotional vulnerability from men, both from women and men themselves. The catchphrase that captures this demand is “It’s okay for men to cry” or “Men cry too.” This increasingly popular catchphrase carries both direct and implied meanings.
Firstly, it signifies that it is acceptable for men to allow themselves to express their emotions. It acknowledges that many men tend to hide their emotions, bottle things up, and believe that doing so is a sign of weakness. This notion is indeed valid. Therefore, it emphasizes the need for men to recognize that expressing emotions takes strength, and it encourages open communication.
Secondly, it is meant to connote the type of emotion. It’s not that men don’t express their emotions at all. For instance, men frequently express emotions such as anger, disgust, happiness, excitement, and joy. Rather, it suggests that men should also be capable of experiencing emotions that are traditionally associated with femininity, and generally those attributed to women. Thus, the catchphrase does not imply that men are devoid of emotions, but rather encourages them to express certain emotions they usually avoid, promoting emotional intelligence and self-acceptance.
Lastly, it calls for men to allow themselves to cry. Although men do cry, it often happens privately, among other men, and generally away from the public eye. The catchphrase emphasizes the importance of men permitting themselves to cry when the emotion presents itself, destigmatizing the act and validating their feelings.
However, this catchphrase, both in its direct and implied meanings, assumes that the issue lies in men lacking this knowledge and that the solution is to simply enlighten or instruct them. This assumption implies that men do not want to be emotionally vulnerable and have consciously chosen not to express their emotions. And by many people’s reactions, it seems that men who hear this but do not change do so because they have refused to accept its validity.
I believe that this catchphrase only addresses the problem superficially, without reaching its core.
Emotional vulnerability, or lack of, is deeply rooted in societal expectations imposed on boys from a young age. Male children were raised to bear burdens and fulfill roles upon which the survival of their families and societies depends. Every time they attempt to display certain emotions, they are silenced. They quickly learn the opportunity cost of vulnerability and realize that there is no room for such weakness. Consequently, they learn to suppress their emotions.
Yet, they are not alone in this experience. The rest of society also learns not to expect weakness from them, nor do they know what to do when he feels fear or displays weakness.
Essentially, we are all interconnected in this matter. Rather than simply demanding emotional vulnerability from men, which often serves as a reminder that men are flawed and need fixing, I believe it is more productive to focus on creating an atmosphere that embraces men’s emotional vulnerability. This involves addressing the stigma around men’s emotions and challenging toxic masculinity.
Instead, we should strive to understand men, learn about their experiences directly from them and stop dismissing explanations given by men as mere excuses.
I am not advocating for fixing men, nor using this as an excuse for their irresponsibilities. I am simply suggesting that if you have a man in your life, whether it be a son, a friend, a husband, or a father, someone for whom you care deeply and desire their emotional well-being, it would greatly benefit them if you provide them with unconditional positive regard and an atmosphere that reassures them that, regardless of success or failure, you are there for them, promoting mental well-being.
Ultimately, the solution lies in genuinely caring about the well-being of men and boys, rather than solely demanding their emotional vulnerability. By gradually fostering an environment of empathy, validation, understanding, and open communication, we can witness men becoming havens of healthy emotional expression and vulnerability.
