Growing up in my religious sociocultural environment, one of the many expressions of affection my religious leaders often criticize was “I fell in love with him/her”, ” I’m falling in love”, etc. They often argue against it. To them, falling cannot be right. The idea of falling connotes something dangerous, a mistake, something out of one’s right senses, and even lust. They often prefer one “stands”, or at least, ” sits” in love; whatever it is, they just don’t want to hear “falling”. And as a good boy I believed they couldn’t be wrong; so I built my paradigms around “never to fall in love.
But then, as I began to grow up myself, as I began critically analyze and question the many paradigms I grew up with, as I began to study the relationship between Christ and the Church-the only perfect example of Love that exist, as I began to take my first steps in love, I realized I may eventually like the idea of falling in love than standing, or sitting, or whatever it is.
My first point is the idea of ‘helplessness’ involved in falling in love. When you fall, you don’t just change your mind along the way, you don’t one day just say you’re not doing again, you fall till you reach the end, more like you love till the day you die. When you stand, your eyes are still here and there, you can be distracted, you can decide to step away or run away. But when you fall, only one thing is on your mind: “who made me fall, who am I falling for”.
Another thing they say is that you hurt when you fall, and I say there is hurt in true love. When you stand, you can choose to dodge problems or circumstances that are not favorable to you, but when you fall, it is for better for worse, for good or for bad.
Let me stop here for now.
Comparing it with the scriptures, I realised Christ fell in love with me. It was an helpless fall, and he gave his life for it. He didn’t mind if the end will be good or not, if I’ll accept him or not, just for a chance, he came all the way.
He fell in love and it hurt him when the same people crucified him, and even today, when we don’t let him love us. And he has asked us to do the same: to fall helplessly in love with whosoever it is. So, really, I want to fall in love.
And when I look at some of them, the religious leaders, I realised they stood in love, they were smart, they stood strong and won’t fall to the emotions of their spouses; and when some of their partners began to show up with problems, differences, and weaknesses, they were agile enough to dodge and bail and left their partners crashing alone in the pit of divorce. Some were so on their feet that they beat their women to black and blue, others, simply walked away with another woman-they just wouldn’t fall. And I realize I never want to be like them.
Adeola-mi, I want to fall so deep with you that on the day a strange woman comes knocking, I’ll be so far away into your heart to hear, talkless of respond. I want to fall so deep that, even if I decide to leave on the day your weaknesses begin to show up, I won’t make it out before my patience gets a chance to grow.
But then, the religious leader’s caution must also be noted, because there are times when you fall helplessly in love with someone and they reach down into their heart, find you no matter how deep you have fallen, pull you out of their heart all the way back up, slam the door of their heart against you, and leave this notice: “Service no longer needed”.
However, here is my conclusion: Choose who you want to love, and when you find him/her, fall helplessly in love-a fall of no return.
Adeola-mi, Eyitayo mi, I love you like say make I die.
#IamImisoluwa, Happy Val.
Enjoy your evening.