#PersonalNotes

Few months ago, I fell
I fell while trying to ride a bike without being prepared for it.
I had only taken a mental note of how it could possibly work, and I had believed I could do it.
Of course, I had been ridding my bicycle all around the street of Surulere

Or perhaps I just wanted to satisfy my curiosity.
And I did good.
I started the bike and moved it….until I needed to stop
All of a sudden, I couldn’t figure out how to
And I was there asking myself: where the hell is the brake?
Before I knew it, I and the bike had come face to face with a wall
I sha fell down, and had minor bruises
And my friends had the laughter of their life

Now this reminded me of something
It reminded me of a ‘me’ I once had
A ‘me’ I had lost
A ‘me’ I had missed
A ‘me’ I wish I still had
A ‘me’ that characterized my childhood days
A ‘me’ that had no single fear
A ‘me’ that didn’t care what people said
A ‘me’ I heard of in my mother’s tale
That very ‘risk-taking’ part of me
And really wish I still had that

A ‘me’ that climbed fences, walls, and uncompleted buildings
A ‘me’ that would wait after school in nursery two to peep into girls underwears. Yeah.
A ‘me’ that wrote a love song on paper and handed it over to Temisan Akalusi in Primary one.
A ‘me’ that created my own High Jump tournament in the house without any safety equipment and ended up with a broken arm

A ‘me’ that was bold
A ‘me’ that was daring
A ‘me’ that was unafraid

That ‘me’ I had just before life happened
Just before the years of rejection and dejection
The years of being talked and looked down on
Just before I was told to shut up, shut in, and shut down
Just before I got burnt, and stopped reaching out
Maybe today, I would have become a billionaire
A best selling author, or platinum record holder
Maybe I wouldn’t have wasted the days, time, and money spent trying to be a Geophysicist
Maybe I would have long had my B.A in music since the first time I applied
Maybe I would have made many more mistakes, learnt, and moved on.

Maybe today, I would have asked her out since the day my heart first admitted that I love her
Maybe I wouldn’t out of fear have rushed onto another
Maybe I would have saved her the years of reaching out for me, the years of longing
Maybe I wouldn’t have been so scared of what she’ll say if I told her I wanted to be hers forever
Maybe I would have spoken and dealt with whatever came of it
Maybe I wouldn’t be here hiding behind this pen
Maybe….

Just maybe….

I don’t know

But this I know…

“Fear is the most dangerous antagonist of Love”
“More dreams are killed from not trying than from failure.”

Surulere: A city in Lagos, Nigeria.
Sha: However

 

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