To the Lover Boy


Dear Mr Loverboy

I need you to understand something:
there are over 7 billion people in the world.
Do you realize how many of that number is female?
And how many of those females are within your age group?
So the thing is, 
Chances are, there are more than one lady 
that will fit into whatever taste or preference you want in a spouse. 
I’ll still write about this much later

But today, my point is this:
That you really like and love her, and are willing to die for her, 
does not necessarily mean you are the only one that suits her taste and style. 
It may even be the case that she doesn’t want you at all.
And that you are falling heads over heels in love with her now, 
does not mean that you won’t feel the same or better for another.
You see, Love and Relationships are about decisions; the decisions we make;
And the people whose love we decide to allow in our heart.

So if you ever ask her out and she declines
And if you ever desire him, and he doesn’t pop the question
Please know this:
It is just the simply the fact that she said ‘No’ to you
It is just the fact that she is not your type, or that you are not her type
Or that for whatever reason, she doesn’t feel like making that decision with you
And boy, that’s a good thing
Dear, I really need you to understand this:
It is never a test of your character
It is not a test of your personality
It does not validate or invalidate your worth
It does not mean you are not awesome and amazing
It is not a test of your beauty
It’š not a test of the size of your breast
It is not a measure of your worth and value
It’s more a test of her own desire and taste
It only proves that there are others out there, who are waiting to make that decision with you
And boy, that’s what you should look forward to
So boy, don’t waste your time, or your life
Stop trying to get her to say ‘Yes’; It’s no use
You really don’t want a lady who is cajoled to love you

If you like her and think you want her
Stop having unnecessary sleepless nights
And days of increased unproductivity
Go to her and tell her
And when you tell her, ask for a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’
You are not Facebook, and you don’t want a complicated relationship status
A simple yes or no should do
If you’re bold enough to ask, then you deserve answer
And don’t be caught in the snare of waiting for her to make up her mind
Or in the web of ‘I don’t want to be in a relationship now’
Or in ‘I just want us to be friends’, even if she calls it ‘bestfriends’
It’s only a ladies way of saying ‘No’ in a polite way
And helping you see that you’re an amazing person
But that thing may just not be there for her.
You might give her a little time but
Don’t leave your proposal hanging
Waiting for her for six months
Dreaming and expecting, and worrying
You don’t need it.
Take your awesomeness and protect it
And don’t you try playing the ‘I can help her’ card
Or ‘She’s just having fears and needs a little more time’
My friend, you are not Jesus of Nazareth
You didn’t die for her and You’re not the Holy Spirit
Let her make her choice, and be responsible for it
Give her space and distance
Or else, the day she’ll need to push you away
You’ll not believe how broken your heart may be

So go to her and tell her what you want
And clear the air once and for all
If it’s a yes, good
And if it’s a No, be certain
It’s not the end of the world
It’s not even a nail
It’s just the fact that it is not her that will share your awesomeness with you
She is not evil and hasn’t done anything wrong
And you are not bad, damaged, or un-amazing 
It’s just what it is

So please, be happy, smile, and keep enjoying your life
You are worth a lot in God’s eyes.

I am theimisiOluwa; these are things I’ve learnt in the hard way.

(In September, I’ll be sharing a new series titled: Lamentations of A Hopeless Romantic. Stay tuned.) 

I Love you plenty.

© 2016, Imisioluwa

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