Oh law! How I hate thee


You made me put myself on a performance treadmill

And when I didn’t do the things I ought to do,

I became angry at myself and always felt guilty

I became confused as to whether God was pleased with me or not


You made me feel I wasn’t worthy to lead

Bringing to my notice the rules and regulations of being a Christian

I became bored, lost and many times wondered why I needed to do certain things

I started to mold into something wooden, stiff


And slowly I started to hate myself for not being able to follow all the rules

Sometimes when I wanted to do something fun,

I’d hesitate cos again you’d remind me of what people would say

All the while, I conformed and trust me I hate conforming!


And when I couldn’t handle it anymore, I started to burn out

Cos no matter how hard I tried to follow the rules

I still felt God wasn’t very pleased at me

This went on and on until I finally shut down


I stopped praying cos everyone made it seem like it was wrong to not pray everyday

I stopped studying the bible, it became boring

Christianity suddenly felt like a ritual to me;

Praying and reading the bible felt like something I needed to do to appease ‘the gods’


I became two persons in one

Alive at school and Dead in church

Until one January, certain young persons re-ignited the fire.

I suddenly felt like I had resurrected


Hold up! ‘Is it me, or are these Christians?’

Being around made me feel alive

No restrictions, No Laws!!

No performance treadmill!


I could suddenly speak freely about issues that confused me

I felt Grace and Love like never before!

Yes Love! No fear in this love

Just peace of mind and joy






Follow her on twitter: @khose_dania

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