Oh law! How I hate thee
You made me put myself on a performance treadmill
And when I didn’t do the things I ought to do,
I became angry at myself and always felt guilty
I became confused as to whether God was pleased with me or not
You made me feel I wasn’t worthy to lead
Bringing to my notice the rules and regulations of being a Christian
I became bored, lost and many times wondered why I needed to do certain things
I started to mold into something wooden, stiff
And slowly I started to hate myself for not being able to follow all the rules
Sometimes when I wanted to do something fun,
I’d hesitate cos again you’d remind me of what people would say
All the while, I conformed and trust me I hate conforming!
And when I couldn’t handle it anymore, I started to burn out
Cos no matter how hard I tried to follow the rules
I still felt God wasn’t very pleased at me
This went on and on until I finally shut down
I stopped praying cos everyone made it seem like it was wrong to not pray everyday
I stopped studying the bible, it became boring
Christianity suddenly felt like a ritual to me;
Praying and reading the bible felt like something I needed to do to appease ‘the gods’
I became two persons in one
Alive at school and Dead in church
Until one January, certain young persons re-ignited the fire.
I suddenly felt like I had resurrected
Hold up! ‘Is it me, or are these Christians?’
Being around made me feel alive
No restrictions, No Laws!!
No performance treadmill!
I could suddenly speak freely about issues that confused me
I felt Grace and Love like never before!
Yes Love! No fear in this love
Just peace of mind and joy
Follow her on twitter: @khose_dania
Photo credits: madgirlninjas.wordpress.com
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