Some guys (and ladies) spend most part of their growing up years chasing and trying to make one relationship or the other work. They expend so much mental energies trying to toast a girl, maintain, or keep a relationship at all cost, while the girls they are pursuing keep moving on with their lives.
They are good Christians, with impeccable character, self motivated and have direction for their life. They believe in ‘agape’ and wouldn’t find fault with her. To them, once you decide to love you must not repent. It must be like Christ and the Church.
So…he meets this girl, and he believes she ‘meant’ for him. He persists. He asks the girl out, but in her sincere heart, she isn’t certain of what direction her life is going, and would not want to make such commitment.
She doesn’t say ‘No”. She says things like “I love you but….I’m not ready now”. Yet, she wouldn’t let him go.
Incidentally, he takes that to mean: “she just needs time to put herself together, but I know she really loves me”, “or could it be that she’s just trying to be polite?” This gives him sleepless nights.
So…He refrains from her for a little while, but she soon gets lonely, and misses him. “Is it because of my response that you now disappeared?, Haba! Aren’t we friends?, I don’t want to lose you o” She says.
Or perhaps she says ‘yes’ today and two months later, she’s unsure; so they keep breaking up and making up…
Or that he finally lets her go, only to repeat the same with another. So in two years, he’s been into five relationships.
And because love is a lot of work…he spends so much energy keeping up: calls, chats, visits, writing creative messages, surprising her on her birthday, helping her solve problems, listening to her gist, making appearances with her, praying for her, thinking about her, advising her, pampering her, buying things for her, walking her down to places…and also getting from her.
He keeps pushing, keeps believing, keeps hoping, keeps loving, keeps trying to make it work, keeps trying to prove love and make her know he’s for real. He keeps denying his own desires and wants. He makes sacrifices.
He keeps forming ‘Badoo’, the lover boy who knows all about love.
The one who has taken ‘being in a relationship’ as a full time job; enjoying the accolade, social status, and names-‘bae’, ‘boo’, ‘baby booboo’.
Suddenly he wakes up three years later, only to find out that…
He is mentally drained. And emotionally depleted. He has been faithful…but derailed. He has cut friendship with many others. He has lost passion for other areas of his life, because he has been so busy…so busy…without stopping for a moment to see things differently, if he was ever really in love.
He still has the same dreams and plans he had the day he first met her, but without any significant achievement nor motivation to even pick them up; and the lady(s) at the receiving end…suddenly realize there’s more to her life than him-the guy who, obviously, has not much to offer; her mum won’t even let her marry such myopic young man.
He thinks he has practiced true love; but he may just have been a product of a terrible self esteem-someone, who is always looking towards the opposite-sex to feel ‘whole’-who didn’t quite understand what he really needed.
#IamImisioluwa; The evil is not in the fact that he has found a heart to pour out his love, but in the amount of energy he expends to keep a relationship running, at the neglect of other areas of his life; especially when it is not a mutual endeavor.
(The post applies to both gender.)